We expect too much for our dogs, but not enough for ourselves
“My dog is so stupid!”
“I just want them to do *insert trick* why can’t they do that?”
“Why can’t my dog be good like other dogs?”
Do you notice what is the common denominator in these statements? There is no acknowledgment of our role in the relationship with our dogs. It takes two to have a relationship.
With our close friends & family it takes two to have a relationship that works, and both parties have to put in the effort.
When the relationships begin to struggle there are some common factors such as:
Blaming each other for something
Not communicating what we actually want from each other
One or both sides not being willing to put in the effort to make things work
Ultimately this leads to a broken relationship & the same is said about our dogs.
Our dogs live with us & they are considered family for many of us in Western societies such as Australia. This family relationship means that we love our dogs & want the best for them. This also means that we can fall into the same trap with them as we do with our broken relationships.
Our expectations for them outside of cuddles tend to be so unrealistic & unreasonable that this leads to essentially a relationship of blame & frustration towards the dog. There is something we all need to understand about dogs: dogs are not inherently malicious by intent and they do not act to spite us.
Our dogs are visual learners who do what is instinctively best for them based on the environment & guess who they are watching the minute they enter our homes? Us.
Every thing we do they see. They then modify their behaviour accordingly and will do what benefit them. They do not have a compass of “good and bad” but “beneficial and not beneficial”. There are going to be factors that do impact them such as genetics & upbringing prior to us, but how they proceed from there is up to us.
We impact their behaviour a lot: whether it be for good or for bad. So to only ever have high expectations with frustration for our dogs when they don’t reach it, whilst we sit back & do nothing to change them or ourselves is a recipe for a breakdown in relationship.
What can we do?
We can take a step back & see where we have caused the behaviour. Not every aspect does stem from us, but I guarantee you there is an aspect that we contributed to. In seeing this, we can then progress from there and seek to help change the pattern for our dogs & ourselves.
This can look like getting resources, seeking help professionally & really committing to wanting better despite knowing the hurdles you will face up ahead.
Like any broken relationship, it takes effort & time to heal. However continuous efforts will make a difference & eventually there will be a time you dog changes it’s behaviour for the better.
You may also realise in time “Heck… I have changed for the better too.”
